TWEENY CHALLENGES

Today started off as “one of THOSE days”.  The kind of morning that makes me want to crawl back into my bed and throw the covers over my head  in hopes of re-entering the fabulous city of dreamland.

It started immediately with bickering tweens. Having tweens is a challenge.  I have one that takes way too long to get ready for school, no matter what time I wake her up. She thrives on creativity and is easily distracted.  Then I have another who is usually up before anyone else, with bed made, clothes on, breakfast eaten and nervous energy about missing the bus.   Unfortunately, for the siblings this nervous energy results in bantering that usually ends up in a fight.

Such was this morning, when my oldest so lovingly tried to hurry the other two along because it was almost time to catch the bus.  My youngest son, at six years old, doesn’t appreciate the help.  His main goal in life right now is to be independent, and having older brother try to hurry him into his jacket and hat was a downright loss of dignity!

Finally out the door, I yelled an “I love you!” to all three, but the tweens were too busy arguing about how to maneuver the ice on the sidewalk that I just heard a tiny voice respond.  Ten minutes later they were home.  Apparently the bus driver drove right past them!   I ended up driving anyway, creating the perfect situation for an “I told you so” moment.

On the way to school the tweens were playing the blame game, with my oldest son trying so hard to sound intelligent while vacillating between the pitch of Michael Jackson and Johnny Cash! Ah, the joys of puberty! It was hard not to laugh, but I was just downright irritated by this point.   I told them all we were going to play the silent game until we got to school, because I was sick of the fighting.   You wouldn’t think it would be hard, with the school being only one mile away, but apparently it was a tall order!  My daughter said “this is boring!”  I said:  “Don’t insult yourself….if you say something is boring it means you aren’t being creative enough to entertain yourself….now: START AGAIN!”   Maybe, I mean MAYBE, twenty seconds went by when my oldest tween said with his oscillating voice: “Mom, is windshield wiper fluid bad for the environment?”

Now, I’m a reasonable mom, most the time!  On any normal occasion I would have gone into full explanation mode, but by then I was DONE!  I sunk to their level. “SILENCE!”  I barked.   “Mom, I just asked a question, why are you so mad?”  “I am NOT mad, son.  I just asked simply to have silence and you didn’t listen!  I am frustrated.”  By now I was very attached to being in control.   He had broken the rules of the game.  Listening to bickering for a full hour, having to be pulled from my morning coffee, driving to school with half my pajamas on as my glasses simultaneously were fogging up on the icy road added up to a great big state of temporary insanity. Yes, as you can see, I was being very reactive.  My son picked up on that, and went into full “you aren’t fair” mode when I said that I would have more chores for both of them after school.  He got out of the van door and slammed it during the ranting and raving.  No “I love you”, and no “Bye mom”.

That is how I started the day.  How would I redo it if I could?  Well, I think I would lighten up.  Perhaps add a little humor to their debate and admit to them that mom has a lot to learn too.  After all, I didn’t birth a tween, and even though there are books written on the subject, they don’t take into account the uniqueness of every one of my children, our family dynamics, and every situation that comes into play in our lives.

When my kids came home from school today, I made sure we had a laugh about it.  I didn’t give them more chores, but I did try to prove my point…for about a second.  Yes, I’m a mother of two tweens, and I’ll admit I have a long way to go.  I’m sure I will figure it out, perhaps in March, when my first teenager will be “born”.   Oh well! Life is just about reading a chapter at a time, savoring it, and appreciating the suspense of not knowing what may happen next.

Life Lesson? Don’t let tweeny challenges get in your way of being a good parent.